Doubting Thomas

[lyle_from_minneapolis]

Another collaboration with Couchgrouch. This one is probably going to change quite a bit...I'd like to make it more country...not sure if that can be done just by using country instrumentation, vocals and playing-style, or if it needs a full rewrite...Couch mentioned hearing more "Almost Home"-style conversational approach to the verses. I'd love to hear any feedback and suggestions, as this one has me more uncertain than most new ones do. Thanks!



http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7136374

Doubting Thomas

Little Thomas had a secret scar
On his innocent and fragile heart
And a strength beyond his tender years
Once beside his bed he felt so scared
He knelt with his mama deep in prayer
Lost for words that would describe his fears
Tiny fingers squeezed her hand
As he fought to make her understand
His mama realized too late
The worst mistake she’d ever make

Was doubting Thomas, and what he’d told her
Frightened teardrops, head upon her shoulder
Screaming nightmares, painful childhood traumas
Life seemed so unsure, cos those he trusted were
Doubting Thomas

Thomas wouldn’t sleep without a light
Sunday mornings he would run and hide
As if he feared something at their church
Weekly bath time for her precious boy
He had plastic submarines and toys
And a bruise said more than all his words
All the tears, the sorrow and the grief
Over what it took so she’d believe
Hugged him there on the bathroom floor
Beggin’ God to forgive her for

Doubting Thomas, and what he’d told her
Frightened teardrops, head upon his shoulder
There’s no comfort, gentle as his mama’s
Life seemed so unsure, when those he trusted were
Doubting Thomas

Thomas never ceased his prayers
Reaching for the healing there
Never questioning the Lord
Forgiving his mama for

Doubting Thomas, and what he’d told her
Frightened teardrops, fade as he gets older
He believed in, heaven’s steady promise
When life seemed unsure, and those he trusted were
Doubting Thomas

Copyright 2008 by Robert George & Mark Kaufman

[walker]

You know those songs you hear that make you say: "Dang! I wish I had written that!" Considering your penchant for covers, Mark, I guessing you've had these moments as I have. Well, this for me is one of those songs. Great melody, and delivered with a genuine passion. Nice movement in the arrangement...

But I hear the stylistic conflict within the great potential here. What comes across at the core is a definite Bowie-Dylan-Lennon influence. The "country" flavorings on the piano are nice, but the countrification of the vocal delivery and word choice sound a little coerced in the few parts where it's pretty transparent: the "mamas" and "Beggin' God." I'd like to hear this song without it being steered towards a Country feel, and let it be what it could be if left to its own natural development: A great Mark Kaufmann song.

(or George/Kaufmann song, as it appears to be.)

[lyle_from_minneapolis]

...*sigh*...

You know Mark, I post these new songs on several songwriting forums, and EVERY OTHER PLACE had comments just like yours.

I should probably take the hint and forget the country thing. But two things haunt me. One, I truly believe country is ready for a song that says what this one does...some forward-thinking country artist just might go for it. The other thing is that my ability to play and project country is lame--my own style preferences take over and make it difficult to imagine the way I actually hear this inside my (thick) head. I wish I could record the way I hear it, because I think it would make a truly memorable and innovative modern country song.

But it's funny, Bowie has been mentioned about six times now with this one...that really freaks me out. I never thought about him on this one.

It's almost the kiss of death to give up on country...it's one of the only markets that buys songs.

Thanks for the kind words and food for thought!

-Mark