Carried Away (From Me)

[lyle_from_minneapolis]

Here's a new one I've been working on, and it's most definitely a work of fiction. I'm about to head up North on a camping trip, but I figured I'd post this before I go, and I'll catch up on responses when I get back. I'm trying to decide whether it needs more instrumentation, like a bit of fuzzy solo guitar, or if less is more...also wonder if it's A) appealing or B) annoying... Feel free to comment...or not! Either way, thanks for listening.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9337249

Carried Away (From Me)

I'm gonna have to get an answer
But you're telling me nothing
Fading into gray
And I don't know what to say
You just get so carried away

You say you lost your mind
But it happens all the time
You just forget that you're married
How can you say you're mine
When it happens all the time
You just get carried away from me

To the deep blue sea
And when you're sailing
You don't know me from nothing
Washed up on the blue
And I don't know what to do
I just watch you get carried away

You say you lost your mind
But it happens all the time
You just forget that you're married
How can you say you're mine
When it happens all the time?
You just get carried away

I might as well be all alone
I watch you lie while you check your phone
Just another story, another line
Why can't you tell the truth sometime?

You say you lost your mind
But it happens all the time
You just forget that you're married
How can you say you're mine
When it happens all the time
You just get carried away from me

(Copyright 2010 by Mark Kaufman)

[winston]

That's a great tune Mark. If I were producing that I would lower the piano a touch in the mix and add cello and strings in the last two verses. I would also make the drums a bit "bigger" with more depth and then adjust the bass accordingly.

Just my two cents for all its worth..........

I love the song and the premise. Even though it's a work of fiction it's very believable.

[lyle_from_minneapolis]

Thanks Winston, that's a huge help.

[winston]

Glad to help with at least one or two ideas Mark. Btw you can call me Brian. Winston is the name of my Shih Tzu.

[lyle_from_minneapolis]

I knew that! Danged sig names confusing these aging fingers...

[winston]

I knew that! Danged sig names confusing these aging fingers...

Yeah I know that you knew that............I was just teasing you.

[walker]

Another great one, Mark. Please assume all the usual accolades. And don't worry - your secret is safe with me. And all the other few hundred or so people that will eventually read this and tell their friends, and so on, and so on...

I think 'Carried Away From Me' stands pretty solid as-is instrumentally, but adding some beefy guitars to the chorus (and perhaps to parts of the verses to a lesser degree) would help the dynamics build nicely. Of course, it's all subjective, and I'm sure there are those who wouldn't like the effect and might feel that the addition of guitars would color the sound in an unfavorable way. So, your call!

A little arrangement issue that jumps out at me, the "I might as well be all alone..." part comes in a bit abruptly. It would be nice to hear some sort of rhythmic (and possibly melodic) build-up to it - nothing that requires the addition of more bars, just a nice offramp so you don't have to drive through the ditch and risk spilling your beverage.

Mix-wise, I thought the drums were really buried. Not the cymbals so much, but the kick & snare were almost non-existent. So there you have it. Looking forward to hearing an updated version should you choose to go there.

Have fun "up in the mountains for the weekend," you sly dog.

[walker]

Ironic, Brian - I used to smoke 'Medways' on a regular basis.

[s4001]

Sounds like the neck pup solo'd.