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Hebronics

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:03 am
by jps
NEW YORK, Dec 12, 2005

The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language. Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture.

According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question-plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus, 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my feet?'"

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away.You want a nosebleed?"

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."

Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a turtle,' could be "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline, he walks."

Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics:

1. Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

2. Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English response: "Thanks."
Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

3. Remark: "Hurry up! Dinner's ready."
English response: "Be right there."
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business?? Is there a fire?"

4. Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."
English response: "Glad you like it."
Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you?

5. Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English response: "Congratulations!"
Hebonic response: "She could stand to lose a few pounds."

6. Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
English answer: "Just say when!
Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding!? Do I look like a cowboy?"

7. To guest of honor at his birthday party:
English remark: "Happy birthday."
Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

8. Remark: "A beautiful day."
English response: "Sure is."
Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

9. Answering a phone call from son:
English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."
Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:26 am
by sowhat
Ha! Heard it here, too... several years ago, in fact (NOM)... Image

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 9:41 am
by rob
Remark: "Good Morning."
English Response: "Same to you."
Hebonic Response: "What good is it?"

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:23 am
by scott_s
Nice! Image

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 10:54 am
by sowhat
Cannot resist...
R: Hi!
ER: Hi!
HR: Why?

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 1:40 pm
by jps
"You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

My mother uses this one ALL the time!

Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 5:14 pm
by winston
Well if it's good enough for New York and Moscow, lets do Canada and the UK next.

I sat next to a lady from New York on a plane one day. She talked a lot like that and every word was spoken in a very nasal tone. I really enjoyed listening to her stories and anecdotes. She could talk a blue streak too.

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 1:38 am
by sowhat
An old "bearded" joke - a bit "reworked"...
- Why do Hebonic speakers always reply with a question?
- Really?
(a little remark: here, it's called "Odessian", not "Hebonic")

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:21 am
by jps
I knew an Odessian, he did the color printing for our commercial photography business, his name was Vladimir Klimov.

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 4:25 am
by sowhat
Err... Klimov/Climov is the surname of my ex-boss... not Vladimir, thankfully, and not from Odessa indeed Image... sorry, just an immediate association...

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 6:47 am
by jps
Sorry to bring up bad memories! I hope those are

ImageImage

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 7:45 am
by sowhat
Nah, he's still alive, good luck to him... but not my boss anymore! And i still work at the same place, that's the situation (and he doesn't!Image) - not sure how long will it last, but still...
Mmm... cannot work out a Hebonic answer to the question: "How much is it?" Any ideas?

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:40 am
by jingle_jangle
"Fifty-nine ninety nine, but for you I'll make it an even seventy."

Now, can this thread die or take an OT turn?

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 10:39 am
by ozover50
Image

Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 11:55 am
by sowhat