More true stories!
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:09 pm
A lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Dakota. He shot and
dropped a duck, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly
farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not
coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial
attorneys in California and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue
you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know
how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements
like this with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What's that?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my
land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times
and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide
by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the
tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of
his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped
him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's
last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours
when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a
fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed
to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay,
you old coot. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have
the duck."
----------------------------------------------------
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone
rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see
this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his
test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right
away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing
down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to
the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire
connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90
volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4. After a couple of
jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would
complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring... which demonstrates
that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
dropped a duck, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly
farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not
coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I'm one of the best trial
attorneys in California and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue
you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know
how we settle disputes in North Dakota. We settle small disagreements
like this with the North Dakota Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What's that?"
The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my
land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times
and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide
by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the
tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of
his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped
him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's
last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours
when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a
fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed
to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay,
you old coot. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have
the duck."
----------------------------------------------------
A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone
rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see
this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his
test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right
away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing
down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to
the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire
connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90
volts of signaling current when the number was called. 4. After a couple of
jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 5. The wet ground would
complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring... which demonstrates
that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.