I Quit My Band

[firstbassman]

Well, I didn’t exactly quit.
I told the band it wasn’t as much fun as it used to be and that I wanted to pursue different things musically.
One guy asked me to stay. And another requested to discuss this at a band meeting.
Oh well, we shall see.
Heck, at three and a half years we lasted longer than Buffalo Springfield or Cream.

[ozover50]

I was sorely tempted to throw in the towel yesterday, Mark. One member was ill and unable to come (which is fine.... if you're crook you're crook) two members arrived more than an hour late and hadn't done any homework since our last session - 3 weeks ago! We're trying to put some new stuff together after a change of personnel and the lack of commitment is really giving me the s**ts!

I told them that if we didn't have our act together at our next full session in two weeks time I'm outta there! In fact I was prepared to chuck it in at the end of yesterday's session but promises were made, so we'll see.

I'd rather practice at home than waste my time with a band that's going backwards!

[j_gary]

I feel your pain.

I have come to the conclusion that all I require is that I like the people in the band, and have given up on the ability or commitment issues. It's the same old problems with every band I've been in. So now all I ask is that they are pleasant human beings. The current band should get big as we eat more than rehearse at practice.

All bets are off if I where to be elected band leader. If I have to sell and front a band, not likely anymore, it's whip cracking time. I've been called the music nazi.

I like just being the bass player.

[ozover50]

So now all I ask is that they are pleasant human beings.

Yeah.... well there's a bit of a problem there, too!

[Scastles]

I've been fortunate to have the same musical partners for the last 30 years. I couldn't see it any other way, frankly. I think when you reach a certain age, you naturally become a little more selective in every facet of your life. If you, and whoever, lack the same musical taste, direction or comraderie, then why be there?

[admin]

This is a great topic of discussion and I suspect is a universal theme when it comes to bands, perhaps moreso with non-professional groups. This is an area of musicianship that we all face at one time or another and as such I am going to move it to Being For The Benefit of Musicianship so that it does not get lost in the shuffle here.

I am with Stan, insofar that there is little joy in being with a group that does not feel comfortable. Sometimes beggers cannot be choosers, however, and playing music one loves can take precedence in the short run over the comradarie factor. Having said that, sooner or later trying to resolve differening levels of motivation or availability among several group members will take its toll and will hamper, if not ruin, the experience.

Working with other musicians whose musical taste has been vastly different from my own has, however, allowed me to grow musically and personally. While at the end of the day I parted ways with these persons, I did learn a couple of things that have stood me in good stead since.

To begin, I now resist the tendency to dismiss songs that I dislike initially. Most songs have redeeming features that, in concert with others, can turn out very well. Often times whether you think you can or you can't, you're right! Personal shortcomings can be the culprit in such situations.

Further, others can have insights with regard to music that you may not have considered in spite of your experience.There is always something to be learned from others that you can turn to your advantage. Accepting and embracing this reality can bring about a new understanding of music and others.

Have I ever gone back to work with these musicians again? Rarely. Did I learn things that have allowed me to better my performance and understanding of music? Without question. In playing with others who were disinterested or unable to participate, I used to say that I was getting too old for this sort of thing. I now realize that many are denied this opportunity and that playing for the moment has more value for me as I move forward over the agespan.

In playing music, finding the rhythm can be far more important than taking the lead.

[johnallg]

I now realize that many are denied this opportunity and that playing for the moment has more value for me as I move forward over the agespan.

Peter, I am really enjoying and getting something from this thread, but your statement rang too close to home! For two years I have been trying to find 50-something players who just want to get together on a Sunday afternoon to jam and play. So far only the keyboardist from 35 years ago is all I've found, and it has been since early spring since we got together as he always has something else to work on. I asked him today when was the last time he played his keyboard and he said 3 weeks....

Drummers here are as scarce as hens teeth. Always has been. And the only guitarist we found barely plays and wants to spend football season (all winter) watching football with his kid. Admirable, but it doesn't help the cause.

As Eeyore (kinda) said, "Thanks for listening....."

[ozover50]

Move to Melbourne, John. You have at least two guitarists ready, willing and (partly) able! I can get a drummer no probs.... as long as you don't mind 2 or 3 changes in tempo during a song!!

[leftybass]

I am on a 'sabbatical' of sorts myself at the moment from my band....Our drummer is working on his masters degree in music education, plus he has two little boys who require a good deal of attention....point being it is hard to find time to do everything. We simply decided to stop playing while he worked towards his degree. After nine straight years of playing, it wasn't that hard for any of us to walk away from it for a while. I haven't played out in public much, but our guitar player has kept busy with other people.

We are now at the point of starting to practice again, which brings a fresh outlook to new material and new approaches to performing our show. I am ready to get back into it, but I have enjoyed the time off too. We are just as much friends as we are performers, and while we may do other musical projects apart from each other, our band will always be our band.

[sowhat]

So now all I ask is that they are pleasant human beings.

As i've learned from my own experience, it isn't enough. Pleasant human beings may find a lot of pleasant things to do together on rehearsals, not necessarily music...

[peewee]

Mark, I'm sorry to hear this! Balancing the individual pesonalities is probably the hardest part of being in a band. It really is something special when everyone enjoys being with and playing with one another; unfortunately that isn't always the case. After nearly 2 years we pulled the plug on the Rock band back in June for nearly the exact reasons you've cited.

The core of the group - being the rhythm section and the 2 guitarist - really clicked both musically and on a personal level. However it was the singer who had made going to gigs totally unpleasant and it made for a miserable night just having to be around him listening to him gripe and moan. Most of the time he'd phone in his peformances and would berate the ownership, patronage and the venue......over the mic! The sad thing was that the rhythm guitarist and the singer had been friends for 30 years and were getting to the point of not liking one another very much because of all this. Fun should be the most important aspect followed by music and if it ain't fun, it's done regarless of the amount of talent.

The bass player and I have worked together for 7 years in numerous bands and we do a lot of freelancing together. The drummer I worked with 10 years ago and still work with when we're booked with certain folks; all three of us are working together again with a local singer on a couple of dates this month. The rhythm guitarist has decided it's time to hang it up after 35 years. And the singer??? Well, he's stuck in his mundane job at a grocery store and is still bitter that at 56 he's still not a Rock God; and believe it or not, still has no clue as to why we disbanded. Worst case of "Lead Singer's Disease" I've ever encountered in my 29 years of playing in bands.

Best of luck in your future endevors, Mark, and don't let this sour your enthusiasm.

[melibreits]

Excellent thread.... I can totally relate.

A couple of months ago my husband and I decided to leave the church where I had served on the worship team, which I had helped to start 12 years ago.... It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but there were some major issues that we just couldn't stand dealing with any more. Really some of the things I struggled with on the team were only a small contributing factor to why we left, but I am feeling a bit adrift without the weekly practice sessions, and the camraderie with the other musicians.... We are now attending a different church, and I have helped to lead the music for one service so far, but it isn't quite the same.... Changes are not easy! This is coupled with the fact that my best music jamming partner Billy D. will be going away again to Florida for the next several months (how I envy him--I really dislike the winter months here in northern Minnesota).... Sigh.... I think I need my own band or something....

Ah well, I guess there's nothing other than work to distract me from working on my own recording projects now!

[captsandwich]

Back when we were young, foolish and trying to make a career out of music, my band split up acrimoniously. Tears, accusations, yelling and threats - the whole nine yards.
We got back together several years ago - I agreed to do one gig and see how it went. A couple of years after that, we did it again and started playing 3 or 4 shows a year, rehearsing 3 or 4 times between each show. We are having fun doing it again, so I am loathe to do more shows and bring the whole stress factor back in. The one problem is that it makes it hard to work in new material. So it goes. For variety, I have started doing solo gigs opening for friends.
Also, you rock & rollers have it easy with 4 person bands. We have a core of 5, a sixth has to beg off occasionally due to other commitments and then a horn section that can be 2-4 members.

[shamustwin]

My band too, has been in a state of flux.
Always had issues with our drummer, he would forgo rehearsal for a BBQ somewhere. Didn't do much to improve his playing, was unable to play in different time signatures.
Finally, work got the better of him and he had to leave. Found a very good player right away.
BUT...Tim, my bassist, the other songwriter and guy with whom I love to sing harmonies, had 29 surplus songs. So for the past year he's been recording them on his own (though I played bass on more than half, as well as put in some vocal harmonies).
He's in the mixing stages, and he'll be putting out his own CD. I must admit, some of the songs are very good. He has a gig lined up with other players, and though I was invited to play bass with him, I declined.
All of this while trying to keep our band going. We had a disasterous gig at the IPO in August, simply because we hadn't had the time to rehearse due to his outside project.
Since that embarrassment, he's been very good about rehearsals. He wants to keep our band going.
However, I have been recording (and paying for) our next CD by myself. I've got all basic tracks down, including Tim's songs, am playing all instruments except drums on half. I've completed three that are basically solo, harmonies and all. Otherwise, I have to work with everyone's schedules, booking studio time just so Tim can lay down bass on his own songs, or the drummer or other guitarist can come in. Trying hard to make it sound like a band effort, none the less.
I'm tempted to look for other players and just do covers!

[qwezirider]

I quit my band too back in September. A little disagreement about the concept of committing to a show and being replaced last minute to "rehearse" a sub for the following week...all via e-mail and "thanks for understanding in advance." I think this all fell into the "I'm getting to old to give a damn about putting up with garbage from too many people."

Fast forward to less than 4 weeks ago, getting contacted by another band out of the blue to audition. A few weeks of inasne song learning at home, a couple rehearsals, a good group of truly nice people, very good musicians, and a music style right up my alley that I've never really had the opportunity to play to a large degree. I couldn't have asked for a more fun show last weekend. It's wonderful for the music to really be fun again.