New English for europeans

[jps]

Subject: The European Commission and Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was
the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
"k". This should ! klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.


HAPPINESS ALWAYS

[winston]

Dis vill be a sertanty fur sur.

[ozover50]

Hahahahahahaha!!

[sloop_john_b]

Ve vant ze money, Lebowski!

[desertgoldenboy]

Uh...what?

[desertgoldenboy]

Thatz phunnee, Jeph! (a reversal)

[sowhat]

Mine nu abaut it in 2004!
Kul!
Shina (btw, what would be the replacements for "sh" and "ch"?).

[rob]

Zoundz lik kornee po-po and pe-pe to me!

[jaybic]

This reminds me of a story my mom tells. She is a kindergarten teacher who had an exceptionally bright little girl. When it was time for their "reading" time - the little girl said, "I don't know why I have to study Pa-Honics. I can already read."

[scott_s]

I prefer the Mark Twain joke:

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
by Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

[sowhat]

Haha! You all laugh at it (and me too), but in Russia, this kind of "reform" is discussed seriously... no i'm not kiddin'.
Cirs,
Yina.

[kcole4001]

We could all become functionally illiterate if this keeps up

[eatswodo]

Check out the Harmony Central Discussion Forums. I think it's already happened

[kcole4001]

Ah, but those guys don't play Ricks!