A letter for your fans....Part 1

basshawk · Post by **basshawk** » Wed May 17, 2006 2:33 am

Just something to pass around to our fans.

MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS

When requesting a song from the band, just say "play my song", or "it
goes something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted
in our heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of
every patron who ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so
feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.

If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.
Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if
need be ... it helps jog the memory.

If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they
either forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on.
Try singing a few words for the band. Any words.

If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band will
instantly learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if the band
still claims to not know your song, it helps to just keep requesting
the same song every time there is a break.

It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times
per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!"
Exaggerated hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor
are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger.
Put-downs are the best way to jog a band's memory. This instantly
promotes you to the status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."

Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare
for their shows. They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to
what they will do once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy,
even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily. Your
request is all that matters.

If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band
that follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band
ever played, even if the current band is a blues or country band. It's
the law. Feel free to yell AC DC or SLAYER!! to a band that plays
strictly originals or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell
for Grateful Dead tunes at a dance or metal band.

IMPORTANT

When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head
in both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their
head securely so they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an
invitation to a friendly & playful game of tug of war between their
head and your hands.

Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits.
Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in
the back, protected by the guitar players.

Keyboard players are protected by their instrument, & only play the
game when tricked into coming out from behind their keyboards. Though
difficult to get them play, it's not impossible, so keep trying.
They're especially vulnerable during the break between songs.

jingle_jangle · Post by **jingle_jangle** » Wed May 17, 2006 3:21 am

And that's why some of us won't do clubs.

cheyenne · Post by **cheyenne** » Wed May 17, 2006 3:55 am

Excellent!! So true!

Every bar in the world has the same crowd.

Really drunk guy / girl
Really loud guy /girl
Really bad dancer guy /girl
Really drunk guy / girl who thinks he's friends with the band.
Really drunk guy / girl who wont leave at the end of the night.
Really drunk guy who thinks he's hot
Really drunk girl who thinks she's hot

To many to mention.

alanz · Post by **alanz** » Wed May 17, 2006 4:51 am

Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare
for their shows.

Well, OK, this part is actually true.

At least for me it is.

sowhat · Post by **sowhat** » Wed May 17, 2006 4:52 am

Well... it may not be so funny when you're onstage, but still...

atomic_punk · Post by **atomic_punk** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:23 am

Sometimes I preface our first set with an announcement that there will be no Skynyrd played tonight, no matter how many times you yell it out, so save your breath and let's have a good time.

rob · Post by **rob** » Wed May 17, 2006 6:40 pm

Freebird!

kcole4001 · Post by **kcole4001** » Thu May 18, 2006 10:42 am

Or: "Old Time Rock & Roll"

rkbsound · Post by **rkbsound** » Thu May 18, 2006 11:25 am

I just yelled Freebird this week at a band that was trying to get set up. The lead singers hat was so ugly I just felt compelled to do it. For some reason I think he ignored me.

jdogric12 · Post by **jdogric12** » Fri May 19, 2006 1:32 am

After a year and a half of glorious debauchery, I left a dueling piano bar gig (where I got to play my 4003 in band sets) for many of the reasons stated above. So true.

My favorite comeback: when a drunk guy walked up to my piano and requested a song about two inches from my left ear, I said into the mic "Help! This dude's trying to kiss me! Hey, man, I'm flattered but I don't swing that way." That fixed his wagon.

rictified · Post by **rictified** » Fri May 19, 2006 3:39 pm

Someone e-mailed me that letter a few days ago, it's making the rounds.