A letter for your fans part 2

basshawk · Post by **basshawk** » Wed May 17, 2006 2:34 am

TALKING WITH THE BAND

The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way
is at the middle of a song when all members are singing at the same
time (such as a multi harmony part). Our hearing is so advanced that we
can pick out your tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting
all around us. Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician does
not reply to your question or comment during a tune, it's because they
didn't get a good look at your mouth in order to read your lips.

Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to over emphasize the
words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be fooled.

Singers have the innate ability to answer questions & sing at the same
time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately,
regardless of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are
purposely ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude.
We love this.

HELPING THE BAND

If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate
your help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain
standing on stage. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel
free to walk up on stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are,
the better you sound, & the louder you should sing.

If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up & attempt
to sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than
outrageous dancing, third & fourth part harmonies, or a tambourine
played out of tempo. Try the cow bell, they love the challenge. The
band always needs the help & will take this as a compliment.

VERY IMPORTANT

Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom
in case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form. The band will
carry on.

BONUS TIP

As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on
stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you
are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you
have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you
immediately the following day to offer you a position.

See you at the next gig ... The Band

jwr2 · Post by **jwr2** » Wed May 17, 2006 3:13 am

and remember the band does not know "Johnny be Goode" "Funky Music White Boy" or "Freebird" ... the band has never heard or played or rehearsed these songs and cannot play them even if you hold a gun to their heads ... so please don't ask ...

basshawk · Post by **basshawk** » Wed May 17, 2006 3:20 am

This bass didn't come with those notes.

kcole4001 · Post by **kcole4001** » Wed May 17, 2006 4:59 am

In reality, these people don't need any encouragement at all.

"As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on
stage and start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you
are ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you
have successfully completed your audition. The band will call you
immediately the following day to offer you a position. "

Actually, the lawyer will call you while still in the hospital suffering from severe concussion from an over zealous tap on the head with the base of a mic stand (that's exactly what they're designed for).
At least that's what will happen if someone tries to play one of my basses!

bob_the_bass · Post by **bob_the_bass** » Wed May 17, 2006 7:27 am

"Play some crowd pleasers"

Duh - OK, which part of the "crowd" to you want us to please ?

dean712 · Post by **dean712** » Wed May 17, 2006 5:40 pm

Randy, that line is hilarious! I'll have to share it with my band mates.

wayang · Post by **wayang** » Thu May 18, 2006 10:18 pm

Our Balinese shadow play orchestra got booked to play a jazz room in town recently...one of our members is a quite well known jazz drummer who's played with a lot of big names, and the club owner, who claimed to be interested in booking more of a variety of acts in his late Friday night time frame, kept bugging her about booking us. On the night in question, we showed up and started loading our instruments in...I had a feeling we might be in trouble as I made my way through the crowd, which was primarily upscale young white urban swine, self absorbed and, as one of my black friends would have described them: "tryin' t'get they groove on"...As we started playing, it became clear that our music, which is many centuries old and played without amplification, was gonna be no match for all the shouting about real estate and stock portfolios. Sure as sh*t, when it came time for our first break, manager dude handed us the agreed upon fee and told us we were done, stating that the crowd didn't like us. As we packed our rigs and headed for the door, someone fired up some awful Kenny G style soprano sax syrup and announced it was time to play Bingo, to the apparent thrill of many. I couldn't wait to feel the door hit me in the ***.

But by far, the worst moment of the evening had come during our ill fated set when, as we were playing, a nearby table of young alcoholics sent the waitress up to demand that we play Happy Birthday...on Bronze Age instruments, hand made on the other side of the planet and tuned to a very non-Western scale.

In short, this is why I do not carry a firearm...

jdogric12 · Post by **jdogric12** » Fri May 19, 2006 1:27 am

You rock the pelog? Phat.

wayang · Post by **wayang** » Fri May 19, 2006 9:01 am

Kami bisa bermain gamelan gender wayang bagus sekali...

Tapi tidak bisa bermain "Happy Birthday"...ma'af.

shamustwin · Post by **shamustwin** » Fri May 19, 2006 9:47 am

Looks like Chick Magnet music to me....

wayang · Post by **wayang** » Fri May 19, 2006 10:08 am

I'm surrounded by 'em every time we play...