On Learning To Play Bass

philco · Post by **philco** » Mon Nov 10, 2003 11:03 am

I heard a good story the other day: This guy goes to a music store and buys a nice bass guitar for his son on his birthday, and arranges for him to have some music lessons while he is at it. The boy gets the bass and is ecstatic, and can't wait to take lessons. After the first lesson, the father asks what he learned. "I learned to play notes on the first 5 frets of the E string" was his son's reply. After the second lesson, the father asks what he learned. "I learned to play notes on the first 5 frets of the A string" was his son's reply. After the third lesson, the same question gets asked, but the boy now replies, "All this learning stuff is getting old, so I got my first gig today and decided to blow off the lessons".

rob · Post by **rob** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 7:39 pm

Sounds like a Marylyn Manson wannabe. LOL

BTW, True story?

dave4004 · Post by **dave4004** » Tue Nov 11, 2003 8:27 pm

No, just a very good joke. Jim Roberts told it in Bass Player magazine way back when he was still editor.

big_g · Post by **big_g** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 3:14 am

What do you throw a drowning bass player?......
His amp!!!
How many bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?..................
Seven, one to stand on the ladder and screw it in and the other six to hold off the guitar players who want to steal the light!!

sneakers · Post by **sneakers** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 5:43 am

When I was a kid, about 13, I signed up for lessons from this big fat lady in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. She had this beautiful white acoustic electric, I was too stupid to recognize or care about the brand name. After a couple of lessons on my Grandfather's old Kaykraft guitar I called it quits and learned to play by listening to The Beatles. They were the best teachers in the world at that time.

mortivan · Post by **mortivan** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 12:51 pm

What do you say to a bass player standing on your porch?
Thanks for the pizza!!

What do you call a drummer who just broke-up with his girlfriend?
Homeless!!

dougp · Post by **dougp** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 1:56 pm

What does a bass player use for birth control?

His personality!

dave4004 · Post by **dave4004** » Wed Nov 12, 2003 2:50 pm

What do you say to a guitarist in a three-piece suit?

"Will the defendant please rise!"

philco · Post by **philco** » Fri Nov 14, 2003 3:49 pm

A man goes into a shop and goes up to the attendant. "I want to play a real instrument, one that people will respect me for mastering. That bass guitar special should do". "We don't have any of those at the moment", the attendant replied, "but I suspect that you must be a drummer". "Why...yes, I am a drummer. How did you guess?" said the man.

"This is a fish restaurant", came the reply, "and you're not the first drummer to respond to our special on bass."

rob · Post by **rob** » Sun Nov 16, 2003 10:02 am

Allright, that joke was kinda fishy............LOL!!!

rictified · Post by **rictified** » Tue Nov 25, 2003 4:40 pm

A drummer wanted to be a musician, so he goes into a music store and looks around and says to the salesman: I want that red trumpet and that silver accordian. The salesman looks at him and says: Well, You can have the fire extinguisher but that radiator has got to stay.

big_g · Post by **big_g** » Tue Nov 25, 2003 5:50 pm

What's the difference between a dead snake in the middle of the road and a dead oboe player?
The snake could have been headed for a gig!

rictified · Post by **rictified** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 4:59 pm

Everybody here pronounces bass like the fish with a short A (bass is bajo in spanish) so I tell them that a bass is a pescado (fish) not a bajo, so the new joke is get Bob his Pescado, or give me my pescado etc. I think you'd have to be here to see why it's funny. Well I tried anyway.

philco · Post by **philco** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 6:22 pm

I can understand, Bob. While I was fishing in Russia, I said I thought a "shuka" (northern pike) had just hit my lure, but instead I pronounced it "suka" which means a female dog. It just so happens that in Russia the word for female dog also means troublesome female, just like in the English speaking world. The Russkies got a bit of a laugh. And they also seem to have our same type of word associations.

doctorwho · Post by **doctorwho** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 10:21 am

There are also these type of puns (yes, I'll call them what they are!) in German. One of the words we learned in German class was "ausgezeichnet" meaning "excellent". I modified this to "ausgescheissnet" (literally, "having gotten the sh*t out") and when I used it around German-speaking colleagues, would get a chuckle from them.