ADVICE FOR YANKEES MOVING TO THE SOUTH

[jingle_jangle]

Twenty years ago I moved to rural Virginia (fifteen miles due south of Charlottesville) fer a brief spell. Sure wish I'da had this to take with me:


1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. (NOTE: THIS WAS TRUE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD...TWICE.)

6. Do not buy food at the movie store.

7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

9. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

10. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

11. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

12. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.

13. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

16. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

17. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

18. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

19. Florida is not considered a Southern State. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

20. If you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

[ajish4]

LOL!

I LOVE IT!

ALL TRUE.....but #19 I think............I seem to find more folks from the north in the CITIES, in the outlaying areas...........watch out!
Frequently I hear Banjo music and ugly freckled red head people playing them.

I've also learned one important lesson.

Being a born & bread New Yorker..........when we want to tell someone to GO TO HELL, we say GO TO HELL!
BUT, here in Florida, they tell you to go to hell by saying "Y'all have a nice day".

[jimk]

And if you don't really wish to speak ill of the dead, you say "He needed killin', bless his heart."


JimK

[leftybass]

And if you don't really wish to speak ill of the dead, you say "He needed killin', bless his heart."


JimK

...I'll have to remember this one, as I travel abroad avenging all Virginians....

[fireglo]

Y'all is a contraction of you all. It is always plural.

[jingle_jangle]

Hmmm...while living in Virginia, I often heard "All y'all", and "All y'all's" used, and by people of all walks of life, too. The first time was by the UVA-educated attorney who handled my house purchase for me.

[charlyg]

I'm with Paul. All y'all is plural.

And I'm from the deep south...... South Dakota!!!

[wj350]

Always remember to introduce yourself as a "liberator" and tell everyone how much you enjoy visiting the "conquered territories."

They'll love you down here!!

[1965]

I'll never live in the south.

[jdogric12]

Ouch, Wes! Care to expand on that?

Tampa, Florida born and raised here:
In my experience, "y'all" replaces proper plural "you"
"all y'all" replaces "all of you" (still plural, specifically meant to designate the entire group, with no one excluded)
"all y'all's" possessive of previous

All y'all forgot "alls y'alls" however. Y'all feel free to guess what that one means, I'll keep chuckling at all y'all's guesses down here!

[wints]

Ouch, Wes! Care to expand on that?

Tampa, Florida born and raised here:
In my experience, "y'all" replaces proper plural "you"
"all y'all" replaces "all of you" (still plural, specifically meant to designate the entire group, with no one excluded)
"all y'all's" possessive of previous

All y'all forgot "alls y'alls" however. Y'all feel free to guess what that one means, I'll keep chuckling at all y'all's guesses down here!

Y'all all need to pay attention to the JDog language lesson now...Y'hear...

[1965]

Ouch, Wes! Care to expand on that?

It just ain't my bag, baby. Nothing personal, I'm a Californian.

[paologregorio]

I'm a native Californian and I think that the Charlotte, NC area is quite nice. I even have a sister who moved there and would not consider moving back.

[shamustwin]

Well, I'm a fourth generation Southern Californian who's lived in Hawaii, and on the Island of Hawaii is the Southern most point of the U.S., which I touched with my toe. So I feel I should qualify as an honorary Southerner. You all.

[charlyg]

Nope Jerry, you said you all, you are disqualified!! It's y'all