decision on new band offer

[steambyrd]

I have been playing in an electric classic rock duo with one of my best friends since 1995. We have known each other over 40 years, and he actually taught me how to play guitar. He is retired from his day job, while I am still working at mine. We used to gig at least once a month or more, but this past year, I have had to turn down several gigs because my partner has been traveling, or otherwise engaged with his solo acoustic gigs. Last night, I was offered the rhythm guitar slot in a 5 piece classic rock band comprised of some guys I have known since high school. They have steady gigs two weekends a month, sometimes more often. My partner doesn't seem that interested in gigging as a duo anymore, so I think I will take the band offer. I just hope I don't damage my friendship with my him, as we haven't really discussed not playing together any longer, and I would certainly still play gigs with him, time permitting.

[qwezirider]

I'd jump all over that. If one route doesn't allow you to gig as much as you'd like and another does, it's just business.

[iamthebassman]

Go for it.

[steambyrd]

Thanks for the comments. I respect the opinions here quite a bit. I believe that I will give the band a try. After all, it's more opportunities to play my Rickenbackers!

[kiramdear]

You two can still jam and gig together when possible. He's been pursuing his solo interests, so should you also. Good, warm communication should maintain your friendship despite the fluctuations in the level of your involvement. To pass up a chance to enrich yourself for the sake of loyalty would poorly serve either of your interests.

[winston]

Jim,

Kira hit the nail on the head. Great advice IMO.

[steambyrd]

Thanks, Kira and Brian. You both confirm what I already knew. I need to tell him as soon as possible of my decision and the reasons. We've always been frank and open with each other in the past, and that is even more important now.

[weemac]

Just make sure (really sure) your partner is ok with your decision. It's really horrible when a friendship is even slightly soured for the wrong reasons..
Eden.

[johneek]

Just make sure (really sure) your partner is ok with your decision. It's really horrible when a friendship is even slightly soured for the wrong reasons...

I agree but only to a point. You shouldn't let his response dictate your course of action. It is really important however to make sure that you talk to him about your decision and why you made it. It might even be a good idea to talk to him before you commit to the other group. Friendships are valuable...be sure to take care of it that way.

[johnallg]

Then again, with him pursuing his own solo career, if this would sour the friendship, how good a friendship was it?

[johneek]

Then again, with him pursuing his own solo career, if this would sour the friendship, how good a friendship was it?

I agree John, that's exactly the point. Friendship (as you highlight) is a two way street. In the end, you can't do anything about how many friends you have, but you are in complete control over the number of people to whom you choose to be a friend. While you can't control anyone's reactions, you can control what you do. If the friendship is valuable to Jim, then he should (and I'm sure he will) act accordingly. In the end, he will have acted like and been a friend regardless of the response.

[ram]

My friend and guitarist of 35 years have always done our own things and together things. While he is the one I have a kinship for musically it is fun to do other stuff sometimes. New experience bring it back to the mix always fun. Sometimes incorporating each into our solo flights... no secrets and enjoy each others experiences I think the best route.

[weemac]

It might even be a good idea to talk to him before you commit to the other group. Friendships are valuable...be sure to take care of it that way.

Thats what I was trying to say but I was having a lysdexic moment!

Eden.

[johneek]

Ahhh....Them I know well ....

[steambyrd]

Well, things usually happen for a reason. I rehearsed with the new band for the first time last night. We decided that my clean, classic rock style wasn't the perfect match for the harder 80's rock numbers that they tend to play. No hard feelings at all; and I appreciated the opportunity to try something a little different. That being said, my ears are still ringing; not quite my cup of tea. My wife and I are having dinner with my old band partner tonight, and I am going to tell him the whole story at that time. Thanks again to all who commented here.