Stock Market

[jps]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS


CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new guitars.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me!

STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo for $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

[phlemmy]

all jokes aside, this is working to my benefit.

[johnallg]

Selling short, Sean?

My 401k has lost over 1/3 of it's value in the last few weeks....

[jakeox]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new guitars.

Wait, basses are still OK, right?

[jps]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new guitars.

Wait, basses are still OK, right?

You claim to be Jake, but you sound more like Dave Pascoe!

[cjj]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new guitars.

Wait, basses are still OK, right?

Basses are ALWAYS OK...

[winston]

Once again I have bucked the trend. Perhaps in retrospect I have really broken the rules.............I recently purchased yet another Stratocaster (made in the USA). It was calling to me.

[wmthor]

My brother-in-law sent me this investment advice:

I have another interesting investment strategy:

Go to Las Vegas. Shoot craps or play blackjack, or poker, or even just the slots. When it's all said and done, you'll have the same ultimate financial outcome, BUT.... you'll get free booze the entire time you're getting wiped out!!

Kind of like general anesthesia.

[ozover50]

Once again I have bucked the trend. Perhaps in retrospect I have really broken the rules.............I recently purchased yet another Stratocaster (made in the USA). It was calling to me.

You too?????

[winston]

Yes Aitch,

According to JB's counting system I must have 43 Strats now...................he must have been secretly working in the financial sector in a senior position.

This unregulated counting method (which is apparently the norm) that overstates the numerical value of a holding and down plays the risk associated with the investment has greatly contributed to the economic disaster now facing the world.

[jakeox]

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS

BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no new guitars.

Wait, basses are still OK, right?

You claim to be Jake, but you sound more like Dave Pascoe!

If you said no I was going to follow up with ... USED (not new) basses are OK, right?

[fatcat]

Have recently converted stock investments to commodities.See TW3 for referrence.

[johnallg]

Shouldn't the thread be called Shock Market??

[ram]

I think it must be getting close to bein a 101K

[johnallg]

Tom, for me it is a 260k, I've lost about 35%.