A Real Practical Joker

[loves4003]

The next time he arrives at a gig, make sure the rest of the band is already on stage, tuning their banjo's.

[kiramdear]

What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit? Will the defendant please rise...

Thread some grommets around his strings after the bridge.

[cjj]

If it's a resonator style banjo (and he doesn't have a transparent head) you could take the back off and fill it with styrofoam peanuts. That should improve the sound...

[doctorwho]

Here's an easy one: next time you are out of town, stay at one hotel but tell him that you are either driving the day of the performance or that you are at another hotel. The latter will work best if you are meeting him for breakfast ... he shows up at the wrong hotel and wonders, "Where are they?"!

[tmossman]

At the next show have someone from the event come on stage after a song or two to make an "announcement". Annouce that a car/truck with tag number xxx-xxxx (his tag number) is being towed. Once he is outside let the audience in on the joke.

[jingle_jangle]

North of Malibu played a large outdoor hot rod show (300+ cars spread over most of a fairground field) last year. I began the show by announcing us as "The Mahavishnu Orchestra", which got a lot of people's attention. Mid-set, I made a very serious Public Service Announcement.

I got on the mike and announced that somebody had found what looked like a Chevy small-block drain plug, just laying in the grass of the field, and would the owner please claim it from the band...since about 90% or better of the rods on display had Chevy small blocks, there were quite a few folks on their backs in the grass, under their cars...

Har!

[jimk]

At the next show have someone from the event come on stage after a song or two to make an "announcement". Annouce that a car/truck with tag number xxx-xxxx (his tag number) is being towed. Once he is outside let the audience in on the joke.

We have a winner! I like this one. I'll pass it along to the rest of the band.

JimK

[sharkboy]

I think that making somebody play banjo in your band is kind of a cruel practical joke all by itself.

Definition of perfect pitch?

An accordion into the dumpster if it breaks the banjo.

[weemac]

Everyone else in the band should tune up or down half a step, then he will start wondering........
Eden.

[wmthor]

At the next show have someone from the event come on stage after a song or two to make an "announcement". Annouce that a car/truck with tag number xxx-xxxx (his tag number) is being towed. Once he is outside let the audience in on the joke.

We have a winner! I like this one. I'll pass it along to the rest of the band.

JimK

Even better yet, make sure he's the one who makes the announcement over the PA.

[rikk]

At the next show have someone from the event come on stage after a song or two to make an "announcement". Annouce that a car/truck with tag number xxx-xxxx (his tag number) is being towed. Once he is outside let the audience in on the joke.

We have a winner! I like this one. I'll pass it along to the rest of the band.

JimK

Even better yet, make sure he's the one who makes the announcement over the PA.

That's even better!

[atomic_punk]

If you have a friend that also plays banjo, have him turn up at the next gig, and have him onstage warming up when he shows up. Tell him he is out because he is always late.

[qwezirider]

We've got a couple of those cheapo Korg tuners laying around the rehearsal garage. They have adjustable reference pitches, you know... I tuned up, and reset the reference pitch at something like A=430. Then I left it laying on the bass player's amp.

He was one puzzled dude for a couple of songs.

My, at the time, 4 year old did that to me one gig. The twerp like to play with his mother's tuner (which I used...why buy a new one when hers is great?). Only I had no clue he learned to recalibrate the thing. So I arrive at a gig in the usual hurried manner, set up, sound check, and retune. We hit the first note of the opening song and I'm wondering how in the heck everyone on stage can be so stupid to not hear themselves out of tune. After all, I just retuned not a minute ago. Man they got some vile looks from me.

Until I looked a little close a couple songs later - yes, two full songs of out of tune pain - and saw the tell tale 442 in the calibration box on the tuner.

[wayang]

I may be late submitting this suggestion, but I think it's worthy of consideration. Scour the local antique stores, flea markets, etc., and try to come up with the cheapest banjo you can find that looks anything like his...doesn't have to be an exact match, just in the ball park sizewise. Then, do a little John-Wayne-Hollywood-Magic-Bar-Room-Brawl-Scene preparation...saw most of the way through the neck, replace the head with easily breakable paper, you get the idea. At the next gig, distract him at some point in the evening when his banjo's on the stand, switch out his axe for the 'stage prop' and...well, it's up to you how you'd like the drama to unfold...a violent temper tantrum, an oafish stage bumble, the list of possible scenarios goes on and on!

Be sure to splash him with some cold water and present him right away with his undemolished 'baby' before he has an aneurism...

(I should think one would want to have a video camera on hand for such an event...and maybe a good, strong cricket bat as well...)

[jimk]

I like that one, too. Hilarious!

JimK