Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A... Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency...
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty...
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army..
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING.
Hollywood Squares
Re: Hollywood Squares
I used to never miss that show! Charles Nelson Reilly was a great guest, too.All I wanna do is rock!
Re: Hollywood Squares
Yup, watched that show quite often myself. Just for Cliff Arquett's and Paul Lynde's one-liners.
JimK
JimK
Re: Hollywood Squares
Thanks for helping to keep me from growing old... 
Those shows were always fun...
Those shows were always fun...
Last edited by cjj on Fri Mar 26, 2010 11:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I have NO idea what to do with those skinny stringed things... I'm just a bass player...
Re: Hollywood Squares
Thanks for sharing!
'96 1997 LH MG
'98 360 LH MG
'00 360/12 Carl Wilson LH FG
'07 730S Shiloh LH
'98 360 LH MG
'00 360/12 Carl Wilson LH FG
'07 730S Shiloh LH
Re: Hollywood Squares
Hollywood squares was classic,, only thing missing is some Wally Cox lines 
Re: Hollywood Squares
...another yuk and a half
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beatlefreak
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Re: Hollywood Squares
Q. Who coined the phrase 'Birth control'?
A. Paul Lynde: I never saw those words on a coin.
A. Paul Lynde: I never saw those words on a coin.
Ka is a wheel.
Re: Hollywood Squares
Wally Cox was another regular who was very funny.
'96 1997 LH MG
'98 360 LH MG
'00 360/12 Carl Wilson LH FG
'07 730S Shiloh LH
'98 360 LH MG
'00 360/12 Carl Wilson LH FG
'07 730S Shiloh LH
Re: Hollywood Squares
Oh, those are great!
I used to watch the show with my mom when I was a kid (I think around 7 or 8yo). I remember the hilarity and the specific people (especially Lynde), but not the jokes, and most of it would have been over my head at the time. Thanks!
I used to watch the show with my mom when I was a kid (I think around 7 or 8yo). I remember the hilarity and the specific people (especially Lynde), but not the jokes, and most of it would have been over my head at the time. Thanks!
Re: Hollywood Squares
The sad part is that today, most Americans would get this question wrong.
Payl Lynde and F-Troop.... you just cant get better than that
