I haven't done a wedding in decades, is this the norm these days?
Too True!
Re: Too True!
I haven't done a wedding in decades, is this the norm these days?
Re: Too True!
We've done a few weddings. Fortunately, we don't do anything anyone knows! 
JimK
JimK
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beatlefreak
- Senior Member
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Re: Too True!
...and, that's before you even set up!
Re: Too True!
I suppose so. Anything with a banjo in it is probably too loud.
JimK
JimK
Re: Too True!
I've eaten those cold box lunches before. *shudder*
found with a quick google search:
Then there's the one about three guys waiting in line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is asking each applicant what he did on earth. The first guy says "I'm a doctor." St. Peter says "You're in." The next guy says "I'm a stockbroker." St. Peter says "This way, please." The third guy says "I'm a musician." St. Peter says "You'll have to go around to the back, in at the loading dock, up the freight elevator and through the kitchen..."
and
St. Peter asks the person in front of the entrance line at the pearly gates, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a physician." - brought a generous smile from St. Peter who said, "Very noble profession, you are welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no illness of any kind, but you are most welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity,and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, and eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ St. Peter asks the next person in line, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a lawyer." - brought a disgruntled look as St. Peter rolled his eyes and said, "Well, everyone is welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no crime or ill will or accidents of any kind, but you are welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a jazz musician." - brought an excited response of delight as St. Peter excitedly said, "You're going to love it here! The jam sessions go on forever! And you can play with Miles, or Trane, or Bill Evans. Duke Ellington writes a new piece for the band every day. There's plenty of solo space, no weird keys, nothing out of tune, no bad notes, no bad changes, and the time is always rock solid - you're going to love it here! You didn't park out front, did you? Stay away from the bar and the buffet table - and don't try to talk to God - he's busy. Could you come in through the loading dock? And do you have a sound system we could use during breaks?"
found with a quick google search:
Then there's the one about three guys waiting in line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is asking each applicant what he did on earth. The first guy says "I'm a doctor." St. Peter says "You're in." The next guy says "I'm a stockbroker." St. Peter says "This way, please." The third guy says "I'm a musician." St. Peter says "You'll have to go around to the back, in at the loading dock, up the freight elevator and through the kitchen..."
and
St. Peter asks the person in front of the entrance line at the pearly gates, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a physician." - brought a generous smile from St. Peter who said, "Very noble profession, you are welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no illness of any kind, but you are most welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity,and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, and eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ St. Peter asks the next person in line, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a lawyer." - brought a disgruntled look as St. Peter rolled his eyes and said, "Well, everyone is welcome in heaven. Of course, there's nothing for you to do here as we have no crime or ill will or accidents of any kind, but you are welcome in heaven. The bar on the left goes on forever, the buffet on the right goes on to eternity, and the pink fluffy looking cloud in the middle is where God hangs out; feel free to talk to God, eat and drink as much as you like; you are welcome in heaven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ St. Peter asks the next person, "What did you do in life?" The reply - "I was a jazz musician." - brought an excited response of delight as St. Peter excitedly said, "You're going to love it here! The jam sessions go on forever! And you can play with Miles, or Trane, or Bill Evans. Duke Ellington writes a new piece for the band every day. There's plenty of solo space, no weird keys, nothing out of tune, no bad notes, no bad changes, and the time is always rock solid - you're going to love it here! You didn't park out front, did you? Stay away from the bar and the buffet table - and don't try to talk to God - he's busy. Could you come in through the loading dock? And do you have a sound system we could use during breaks?"
Re: Too True!
Yup, those are musician jokes, all right. I tried telling the first one to a non-musician. No reaction, whatsoever.
JimK
JimK
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just_bassics
- Intermediate Member
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- Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 8:12 am
Re: Too True!
Some of my favorites, from when I used to work for "Rosie O'Grady's Good Time Jazz Band":
Q: What is an optimist? A: A Banjo player with a beeper!
Q: How do you define a Gentleman? A: Someone who owns a banjo but doesn't play it!'
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline!
(Note: These musicians made it clear that any instrument name can be substituted for "banjo" as they were all equally brutal to each other!)
Once, when I was studying orchestration, I tried to ask a clarinet player a question about his instrument. He cut me off short and replied "What, how long will it burn? Let's find out!" and proceeded to light his zippo lighter!
About eight years ago, my wife and I arrived fifteen minutes early at the church for my niece's wedding. The stressed-out wedding coordinator told us we had to wait until after the bridal procession and then enter from the side. Yea, right! I basically shoved her aside and seated myself...
Then she told me that she knows I'm not with the band, but could I turn it down anyway?
Q: What is an optimist? A: A Banjo player with a beeper!
Q: How do you define a Gentleman? A: Someone who owns a banjo but doesn't play it!'
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline!
(Note: These musicians made it clear that any instrument name can be substituted for "banjo" as they were all equally brutal to each other!)
Once, when I was studying orchestration, I tried to ask a clarinet player a question about his instrument. He cut me off short and replied "What, how long will it burn? Let's find out!" and proceeded to light his zippo lighter!
About eight years ago, my wife and I arrived fifteen minutes early at the church for my niece's wedding. The stressed-out wedding coordinator told us we had to wait until after the bridal procession and then enter from the side. Yea, right! I basically shoved her aside and seated myself...
Then she told me that she knows I'm not with the band, but could I turn it down anyway?